- August 29th, 2013
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I grabbed a bottle of vodka and sat on the couch in my room. Smoking a cigarette I just stared out into the dimming sky as twilight was nearly upon us. I could hear my fellow housemates below me, talking and walking about and I was glad to be away from them. I always enjoyed my alone time, even if it were mere moments. I wished I had some pot I had to admit. Really zone out but all we had was alcohol. Not to mention it probably wouldn’t be such a good idea to get too zonked out when I had to constantly keep my wits about me. The vodka burned going down my throat but I welcomed the warmth in my stomach. It made me feel relaxed and safe somehow. I laid back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling.
I thought about the newcomers and what that meant for the four of us. We were well stocked but our vast supply would dwindle quickly between eight people. We’d have to establish roles, who was good at what things.
Max seemed to like being in the kitchen and doing the domestic things, which had surprised me being that I had never seen that girl cook anything except in a microwave and drove back home every other weekend so her mom could do her laundry. She seemed content doing it too. I think she was doing it to impress Paul. They were really quite sweet, reminding me of how easy things used to be. I guess Xander and I were on the road for just that… love, but not without me fight tooth and nail against it. I still really believed that it would be too dangerous but it seemed no matter how much my head was against it, my heart was all for it.
There was a knock on my door, which startled me. I put out my cigarette and climbed to my feet reluctantly. When I opened the door, Kellon was standing there with a goofy grin on his face, as he leaned against the door frame, looming over me. “May I help you?” I couldn’t help but smirk up at him. Men were so transparent and I knew exactly what he was there for.
“What’s up?” he said like we were in the middle of a crowded Downtown bar and he was trying to pick me up.
“Nothing much.” I said flatly.
“You just chillin’ in there?” he licked his lips like he was LL Cool J and then grinned at me with sex in his eyes.
“Had a busy morning. I’m just taking a breather.” I explained folding my arms across my chest.
“Oh, that’s cool.” he said slyly. I chortled looking down at his blood splattered Nikes. Seriously, he wasn’t going to let even a zombie apocalypse break his game. “Could I join you? I didn’t get to see this room when Maxine gave us the tour.”
“This is my room. The only people I allow in is by invitation only.”
“VIP… I getcha. You like your privacy, that’s cool too. I’ll work on my pass.”
“Really kid. I’ve only known you for what? Ten minutes or so and I already know who you are. Nothing phases you. You see a pretty girl and you just can’t help yourself despite the hell that is going on in the world around you.”
“I am very aware of everything that is going on. You don’t know what I’ve seen, fought, killed to still be alive today. You don’t know me and I don’t know you but I think you’re gorgeous and I want to protect you. Survival of the fittest, right? We’re just resorting back to the primal days, as I see it. Population has decreased and soon we will have to start thinking about the future. I don’t know about you but I think we’d make some gorgeous A type offsprings.” He leaned down closer to me, getting closer to my face.
“You Jane. Me Tarzan.” I mocked him in a neanderthal voice. “What are you going to knock me on the head with your club and drag me into your cave?” I chuckled shaking my head. “You’re right, you don’t know anything about me or what I’ve gone through either. I will tell you one thing, I am not going to be anyone’s brood mare.” I leaned against the frame of the door as I stared up into his eyes.
“Well of course, I knew you’d be a lot of work. Anything worth anything is a lot of work, honey.” he chucked my chin up, making me frown. “So, that Xander guy, is that my competition? Maxine made it known that she was all about that tall glass of chocolate milk, Paul.”
“Yea, she’s pretty enamored of him. As far as I go, I’m not some gold metal you have to win, so there is no competition. That being said, Xander and I are figuring things out.” I shrugged.
“So you’re fair game?” Kellon smirked. Before I could answer I saw Xander walking up the stairs out of the corner of my eye. He frowned when he saw Kellon leaning over me with a smirk on his face.
“Dinner’s ready.” Xander said flatly turning around and heading back down the stairs. I sighed, knowing I was going to hear about it later. Needy jealous fucker. I closed the door behind me and started walking towards the stairs with Kellon on my tail.
I helped Maxine serve everyone at the formal dining room table. The electricity was working now, though we wanted to keep the usage down to one room at a time and only when needed. Maxine had prepared a big pot of vegetable and beef stew. We also brought out two bottles of merlot. I took my place between Xander and Max. We all sat quietly, eating our stew and drinking our wine. No one really knowing where to start. I looked over at Max who gave me a crooked smile, silently thinking the same thing I was. Awkward. Kellon kept staring at me, making me blush. Xander saw this and shot Kellon daggers. Kellon just grinned, so very sure of himself.
“So, how long have you guys been held up in here? Is this one of you guys’ family home or are you just squatting?” Natalie broke the silence, smiling cheerfully.
“It’s my parent’s house. They evacuated before we got back here from San Diego.” Max explained. “Liv and I lived downtown in an apartment and so did Paul and Xander apparently. But we didn’t meet them there. When we were driving back we found these guys on the side of the road. Well, actually, what had happened was, Xander jumped out into the middle of the road like a mad man and Liv almost got into an accident. Then after our car stopped spinning Xander banged on our window, startling Liv and I. Liv pointed a gun at his face.” Max started to laugh. Xander and I looked at each other and smiled as Max reminisced about our first meeting. “After deliberation we decided to save them.” She continued. “We were happy that we did, huh?” Max snickered, elbowing me in the ribs.
“Uh, sure, Max.” I rolled my eyes. I saw one of the corners of Kellon’s lips turn up and both Xander’s turned down. Xander reached down and put his hand on my thigh, establishing ownership. I sighed, refilled my glass with some more merlot, taking a long sip out of pure exhaustion of the whole matter. There was plenty of other things these guys should worry about besides me. Men and their one track minds. Always thinking with their dicks. I didn’t want any part of it. I removed Xander’s hand from my thigh and put it back on his own. He gave me a hurt, confused face. Burrowing his eyebrows together. Didn’t he know that I didn’t belong to anyone. Yes, I care about him. Of course I do, after all the things we’ve been through in such a short amount of time, how could I not, but, because the world had gone bananas I couldn’t really seriously think of him as my boyfriend. Though, I guess he was. I wasn’t going to screw Kellon but I liked to think I could if I wanted to without making a big deal about it.
“Oh wow. What a small world. We all know each other from school. Well we knew Luke’s older brother, Burt, we were all friends. There were a few of us but we ran into some trouble. Three of us didn’t make it. Burt, Sarah, my roommate from college and Lindsay her sister, who had been visiting. It was horrible we were in Burt and Luke’s family RV, coming home from Mexico. It was our spring break. We were stuck at the border when a bunch of those zombies attacked all the cars waiting to cross. As the zombies ravaged through the rows of cars they became larger in numbers. We all booked it on foot but Lindsay twisted her ankle. Sarah ran back to help her sister and before we could double back to help them, the zombies tore them apart. Later when we made our way back into the states, we were drudging through the forest or some shit. I mean we were in the middle of nowhere trying to get back to main road. I thought we were going to die from exposure, starvation, dehydration but we found the main road. We also found a jeep luck would have it but there were more zombies and that’s where we lost Burt.” she looked down into her plate and the room suddenly got quiet.
“I think everyone has lost someone during this whole… I just can’t wait until they figure this all out and we can finally get back to our normal lives.” Max sighed. I could see that she was still in denial.
“So here is the deal, everyone has their sleeping arrangements. We’ll have to run this house like a well oiled machine if we want to be safe. As far as chores and other household needs we will be working in a revolving schedule. Everyone will learn how to do everything. I don’t want anymore lost souls. Not on my watch.” I said just so everyone was up to speed.
“So are you like boss lady around here?” Kellon asked with a smug grin.
“Well I’d be glad to hand over the reigns, if you’d like the job.” I smirked back.
“Naw, that responsibility is all yours. I was just trying to establish roles here. I like to know my place.”
“I think tonight… we’ll all just relax maybe open up a couple of bottles of wine and get to know each other. I mean if that sounds good to everyone else.” I smiled picking up my empty plates, then Xander’s and Max’s taking them into the kitchen. Natalie and Max followed my lead clearing the rest of the table as I ran the water to wash the dishes. Natalie stood next to me as I began to wash the dishes and she began drying them and putting them into neat stacks to be put away.
“You’re one of those rough chicks, aren’t you?” Natalie said as she rubbed a black ceramic plate in a circular motion to dry it. I looked over at her, she was really pretty with a sweet disposition on her face. Tall and skinny, she could be a super model. Her skin was so smooth it reminded me of Natella spread across a piece of bread flawlessly.
“Rough? Do I seem rough now? How I am seen seems to change daily. I didn’t think so. I wasn’t always so focused in my life. I guess this is how I am going to evolve. I like the violence, the macabre scenes, the realness. The dirty of life that we’ve always known was there, hidden behind the glitz and glamour that had become so in before the world decided to show it’s true ugliness, turning like against like. Call me crazy but I like feeling powerful in a chaotic situation.” I shrugged.
“Yea, I can see how that could thrill a person. I think, like every woman, I want to portray that very ideal of the strong independent woman but I still enjoy the idea of a man taking care of me. I like to feel protected as long as I run into his big strong arms. I’d like to think chivalry isn’t dead.” she smirked stacking the plate neatly after drying them throughly and timely.
“I wish I could’ve seen it prior to all this. I mean if only I had met Xander earlier, things wouldn’t be so urgent and stressed. I wish I could just relax and take my time. There is so much to worry about, other people to worry about. It just seems selfish to start a romantic relationship with anyone. Love makes you fuzzy and we all need to be as clear headed as possible… especially me.”
“But you’re already falling, aren’t you.” she gave me a closed mouth smile, gently bumping into me with her hip. I blushed, shaking my head as Max joined us. She started to put the dishes away.
“She so is falling for Xander. I can always tell when she likes someone and she is falling head over heels for this one. It’s because he likes to protect her.”
“I can protect myself, so why would I need him to do that? He’s just… goofy and cute and I really want to trust him. I’m looking at that like it’s a good sign. It’s just bad timing.” I handed Natalie the last dish and drained the sink. I walked past the doorway and I saw Xander staring at me through it. Everyone around him seemed to be bonding and having a good time but he was zoned out. I signaled for him to meet me up stairs and before I could even move he was out of his seat beating me to the stairs. He took my hand and lead me to “our” bedroom, locking the door behind him. I sat down on the white leather loveseat, reopening the bottle of vodka that I had left on the coffee table. Xander sat beside me, taking the bottle out of my hand and placed it back on the coffee table.
“So what was up with you and that Kellon character?”
“Are you seriously asking me that right now?” I chuckled. “Nothing Xander. He’s probably going to try to win my heart though.”
“Which already belongs to me, right.” he picked up my hand and kissed it looking brightly at me with his big green eyes.
“It belongs to me.” I softly smiled. He leaned over and kissed my lips.
“Stubborn.” he grinned leaning back on the couch then pulling me into his arms. “I’ve been dying to get you alone it seems like an eternity.”
“We were alone all day.” I laughed.
“Yea, but I mean like this. Chill, quiet, relaxed in our room. We can really talk in here.”
“Shouldn’t we get acquainted with our new housemates?” I scrunched down closer to him, snuggling against his chest that easily went up and down with each of his breathes.
“According to you, they will be around for a long time, therefore I have plenty of time to get acquainted with them. Right now, I just want to be with you. Savior this moment of calm and get to know each other, so you can make up your damned mind about me.” he gave me a playful squeeze.
“Alright, so you want to talk.” I sat up, grabbing the vodka and taking a swig from the bottle. “I better get comfortable if you want to do all that.” I laughed as I got up and walked over to grab some pajamas. As I started to strip off my clothes Xander attacked me passionately, scooping me up in his arms and laying me down on the bed. He had me out of my clothes and stripped down to just my panties before I could free myself and roll over onto my stomach, putting the breaks on him doing anything more. I looked up at him coyly. “I thought you wanted to talk.”
“You’re right.” he kissed my naked shoulders. “So what do you want to know about me?”
“Um… tell me about your family.” I ran my fingers around his bicep and squeezed it to give him encouragement.
“Oh so we’re going to start with the hard hitting questions are we Barbara Walter?” he chuckled laying back on the pillow of the bed. I laid between his legs, resting my chin on my hands on his rock hard abs. I stared up at him and smiled. He looked down at me and brushed my hair behind my ear. “There’s not that much to tell honestly. We don’t really talk that much, anymore. Not since I left Virginia. I’m so happy. I really don’t think I want to talk about that. I left that life years ago and I am enjoying my new life immensely. I’m excited to do things differently. Build a house somewhere, live off the land. Start a new… with you.”
“Yea, I guess we’ll have to do that now. Start fresh. I was just becoming used to my life in San Diego. I was actually pretty content. Things were on track, finally. It just sucks that all my hard work was sort of in vain, ya know.” I sighed and traced his abs with my finger. “All we can do is just keep surviving.”
“But really wasn’t that we were doing before? Trying to survive.” he profoundly pointed out.
“Hmm… I thought I was trying to live and be happy.” I shrugged.
“Do you think you succeeded? Do you have any regrets?” he asked handing me another beer.
“I was close and as far as regrets go I can name a million and two but they were my mistakes to make. I don’t think I really have any real regrets though, just lessons learned.” I gave him a closed mouth smile.
“Well if I could do a few things over again I think I would.” he sighed looking thoughtfully at the dark sky outside thoughtfully. “If we did go to Appleton, do you think we’d find anything there?”
“I’m sure we’d find something but it just might not be something we’d want to find. It’s not so far out into the boonies where it wouldn’t be affected. There were a lot of people going there, so there could a possibility that it could be over run which means we should only resort to attempting that surely perilous journey as a last resort . Main goal is to make this place as secure as possible. Or we could try to make up to Canada. Nothing seems to touch them.” I laughed.
He sat up and pulled me up into his arms. I wrapped my arm around his waist and cuddled up against him. He scooted down and we stared into each others eyes, occasionally touching each other. I caressed his face, he gently cupped my breast, I rubbed my thumb along his bottom lip.
“Xander, don’t you think we’ve been at it a little too much?” I whispered.
“It’s never too much with a minx like you, Darling.” he kissed my forehead.
“Seriously, Xander. Don’t get me wrong, it really is great that you want to jump my bones every five minutes but we lived in the same town for who knows how long. If none of this was happening do you really think you’d ask me out?”
“Are you kidding me? If we had met before I’d be an idiot not to ask you out. You’re gorgeous. I wish I had met you prior to all this, believe me. My life would have been a lot brighter.” he kissed my lips.
“Really?” I smiled feeling like a giddy school girl. “Well I like my relationships to more than just sex. I want to be able to trust you.”
“You don’t trust me?” Xander frowned.
“I trust that I can count on you to do certain things in certain situations.” I answered him honestly. “But I really don’t know who you are, Xander. I want you to be open with me.”
“I thought I was being open.”
“Tell me why you stopped talking to your family.” I waited patiently, searching his suddenly pain filled face. I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed him gently to put him at ease. “No judgement.”
“My family is old school Virginian money. They are very highly regarded in our small community. If your last name is Donovan than you basically have a golden ticket. My father was a judge and then mayor of Shutterland, Virginia. My mother was a member of city counsel and defense attorney. I am the middle child of five children. I have two older brothers, Stephen, the oldest and Marcus, the second oldest. Stephen, who only likes to be called by his proper name, unfortunately set the bar for the rest of us. He’s a high power criminal defense lawyer, married to a perfect blonde super model of a wife who bore him three perfect little Arian children. This pleased my mother and father greatly, especially since Stephen stayed close to home.
Marcus, Marc is a brain surgeon who is obscenely rich with the combination of his wife’s income. His wife is real estate mogul who made millions by hard work and being a phenomenal business woman. Despite this, my mother despises my brother’s wife because she believes Laura stole her baby away, forcing him to move to New York. But really my mother doesn’t like the fact that Laura is Puerto Rican and stands up to her.” he took a deep breathe as he shook his head before continuing. “Then there are my younger sisters. Pamela, who the last thing I heard was at Harvard medical school. I left home when she was thirteen, so I don’t know very much about her except what Alex tells me. Alexandra is the youngest, she is now twenty one. She goes to Michigan State to my parents dismay. And she is the only one of them who has stayed in contact with me since I move to California. She visited me every summer. It was our tradition and we are really close. My baby sister is everything to me.” I touched his cheek and it was wet with tears.
“I’m sorry Xander.” I whispered.
“She was the only one who believed one hundred percent and she was only eleven when it happened. My whole future looked bright. I had gotten into Yale, pre-med. I was a shoe in for Prom King and I was going to ask Lily Charleston to be my Prom date. I had been head over heels crazy about Lily since freshmen year. She of course said yes.
I wanted the night to be perfect. I have to admit I am a bit of a romantic. I rented this James Bond looking tuxedo and bought this really expensive silk scarf to go with it. I got a sleek black stretch limo, made reservation at the swankiest restaurant in town. I was determined to sweep her off her feet.
I picked her up promptly at seven, arriving with a dozen long stemmed roses and a pale pink lily corsage to match her name and her dress. She was the most beautiful girl to me as I watched her glide gracefully down the staircase in that gorgeous satin pale pink gown. She was so classic looking, like Audrey Hepburn. Her raven colored hair was put up in a neat ballerina bun on the top of her head, natural soft makeup with soft powder pink gloss. She smiled ay me as I drowned in the hazel-grey pools that were her eyes. And then when she kissed me on the cheek, I would have been hers forever.
We went to dinner and I made her laugh, she was a total angel. She seemed to like me back, really like me for me and not because I was popular or came from a wealthy family. I felt completely foolish for not asking her out sooner. She had always seemed like the cool, alternative, free spirited art chick who would never have been interested in a jock like me. She wore vintage concert tees and converse. She seemed so unattainable. Here I was having a phenomenal conversation of my life with the very same compelling girl I thought would never want to be with me.
We arrived at the dance thirty minutes late because we had been so wrapped up in our conversation at the restaurant. I could hear the whispering speculations as we walked into the gym. She held my hand tightly as we walked through the dance floor to the registration table for King and Queen. We dance and drank punch and laughed with our friends. Our hands never unlocked and the night seemed full of possibilities. They announced King and Queen. I won King but Evelyn Smith won Queen. In the middle of the King and Queen solo dance I grabbed Lily’s hand and finished it with her.”
“How romantic.” I sighed. “You really are a sap.” Xander gave me a half-hearted smile before continuing.
“Lily left me to go to the bathroom and my friend, Noah, informed me that there was going to be a party at a local hotel and handed me the key, saying I’d probably need it. I told Lily about the party and the room when she returned she told me she wanted to spend more time with me and that private room would be the perfect place to do it. It was oh so innocent. I had no indication that we would have sex or that she wanted to.
So after the dance we got into the limo and I told him to take us to the hotel. When we got there, there were kids everywhere. They were playing loud pop music, jumping into the pool with their tuxs and gowns on, underaged drinking and the other cliches. One of Lily’s friends grabbed her arm and ran away with her. ‘Room 206′ I yelled after her.
I waited patiently in the room for her for about an hour. I could hear the troubled masses outside, yelling and laughing. Finally she stumbled into the room completely shit-face and on E. I helped her sit on the bed, closing the door and then sat next to her. She put her head on my shoulder. Her bun, that had been so neat earlier, was now a messy high ponytail, a strap had fallen off of her shoulder. I could help to think that she was really quite lovely even in her drunken sloppy state. She looked hazily looked up into my eyes and smiled, then she kissed my lips so sweetly. Her lips tasted like strawberries and tequila.
Lily straddled me, kissing me wildly, unbuttoning my shirt. She then pushed me back on the bed, pulling the other strap down. I watched as the smooth satin feel gracefully around her waist. Her young supple breasts were perfect. She put my hands on them and squeezed gently. She reached over and grabbed something out of her purse.
‘Take this so you can feel what I’m feeling.’ she smiled down at me. I let her put the pill on my tongue and I swallowed. She started making out with me. ‘I feel absolutely delicious. I want you to be my first Alexander.’ she told me biting my ear lobe.
‘Lily, I really like you and believe me I want this. I really want this but you’re really fucked up. If this is your first time, don’t you want to remember this?’ I brushed a stray hair out of her face. She smiled down at me and then kissed me sweetly.
‘Wow, if you aren’t the perfect guy I don’t know who is.’ she giggled.
‘I’m far from perfect.’ I snorted. She got up and pulled her dress back up. ‘Where are you going?’ I propped myself up on my elbows.
‘To get more booze.’ she stumbled and fell to the ground.
‘No way. Stay here and I’ll go get you some water.’ I told her getting up and helping her back onto the bed. She laid on her back and I left her there alone to retrieve some water.
I went down to the vending machines and bought a couple of bottles of water. As I left and headed back upstairs to the room a couple of guys ran past me nearly knocking me over the railing. I dropped one of the water bottles I was juggling and it fell over the railing, exploding as it hit the concrete by the pool that was in the middle of hotel.
‘Assholes!’ I called after them. One of them turned back and flipped me off as he continued to run. I collected myself and continued towards the room.
As I got closer, I noticed that the lights were no longer on. I thought maybe Lily just went to sleep. Then I hesitated at the door, debating if I should go inside and sleep with her. I decided that it would be alright just to sleep next to her as long as remained a gentleman. When I entered the room I didn’t turn on the lights. I just put the water on the dresser, took off my pants and shirt and got into bed next to her. She didn’t stir when I cuddled up beside her. I didn’t think anything of it. I figured she’d probably just passed out.
The next morning…” he paused there and sat up. I sat up next to him and stared at him. He had a pained look on his face, tears rimmed his eyes, his bottom lip started to quiver. I put my hand on his bicep but he got up suddenly and walked over to window, peering out of it, deep in thought. I sat on my legs on the bed, watching him, waiting in anticipation for him to continue his story. He finally turned and looked me in the eyes. “I can’t believe I’m telling you all this.” he shook his head, hugging himself as he leaned against the window sill. I sat the silently, giving him my most sympathetic look to ease him. He took a deep long sigh before finally continuing. “I woke up and the sheets were warm and wet. I sat up wondering what it could be. Then I thought Lily may have wet the bed from being completely trashed. I quietly got out of the bed. When I looked down I noticed the flat sheet was covered in blood. I instantly began calling Lily’s name pulling the covers off of her. She didn’t respond, her skin was gray and I knew then she was dead. I called the front desk and told them to call the police. When I hung up the phone I noticed a switch blade open and covered in blood laying on the floor next to Lily. I picked it up in shock. I dropped it when I noticed Lily’s grayed over eyes were staring directly at me. I ran to the bathroom and vomited. Lily had been raped and stabbed to death and I wasn’t there to protect her. I left her in the room alone, completely shitfaced and the door was unlocked. It was my fault. I had lost her forever.”
I covered my mouth and tears filled my eyes. I wanted to run to him and hold him but I couldn’t move. I just stared up at him in silence.
“Of course, the police tried to pin her murder on me. There were no witnesses, my prints were on the murder weapon and I was the last person seen with her. I stayed locked up for a couple of days before my parents finally posted bail. My father said that he would get me off this one time but afterwards he wanted me to pack my bags and go to college early. I had shamed the family’s name. They didn’t believe me when I told them I didn’t do it. It floored me that they could even think that I could be capable of such a thing… my own family. They didn’t want to be associated with an alleged rapist and murderer. I left right after graduation. The real culprits were caught three months later. The guys who ran past me at the hotel. There were four of them. One of the boys, the one who flipped me off couldn’t stand the guilt and confessed, narking out his buddies at the same time. Even though the real criminals were behind bars and my name was cleared the damage was already done. My family had already shunned me and I never looked back. I didn’t need them. Instead of going to Yale, I moved to California and attended an Architecture school in San Diego. It was the only school I could afford on my own. But I made it work and worked hard.” he gave me a half-hearted smile.
“Man, Xander. That’s beyond fucked up. I’m really sorry. You’re family hasn’t tried to reach out to you at all?” I got up and went to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he embraced me back.
“They haven’t tried to contact me in nearly ten years. I only speak to my baby sister, Alexandria. She was actually named after me. My parents didn’t always hate me. I let her have Alex and I took on being called Xander after she was born. She is the sweetest, most beautiful, smartest girl I have ever known before I met you. You and her would like each other. She’s a bit of a firecracker too.” I could see his eyes glazing over again. I got on my tippy toes and kissed him.
“I know confiding that with me was really hard for you. You could’ve lied to me or just told me to fuck off.” I wiped the tears from his cheeks. “That was really intense and I feel closer to you now.”
“I wanted to tell you and it made me feel better to talk about it.” he smiled then leaned down to kiss me. “So tell me something deep and dark about yourself”
“I really don’t think I can top that. I don’t have any deep dark secrets.” I shrugged and sat back down on the bed.
“Tell me about your marriage.” Xander sat next to me and held my hand.
“Oh, well, it’s the same old tale. Love just wasn’t enough. We tried to work out but we were better as friends. We struggled financially and at the end of the day we didn’t know how to communicate. When this all started I was thinking about trying to find him.” I told him. He suddenly gave me a look like I had just asked if I could fuck him in the ass and that wasn’t his cup of tea. I couldn’t help but laugh at how somber his expression became. “Logan is a survivalist. He’s probably at his parents old house, safe and comfy. Probably built a fort around it and Mcguyvered himself a generator and hunts animals for food.” I chuckled.
“I don’t know how clearer I can be. I really like you, Liv. So the very thought that you would want to run to be rescued by your ex doesn’t sit right with me.” he frowned.
“It was a thought. Like I said he’s all the way in Michigan. Plus Logan and I are beyond over. We have been for a long time but we are still friends. I don’t want you to be jealous for no reason. You just shared something incredibly heavy with me and despite my better judgement I want this too.”
“Come here.” he whispered. I scooted closer to him, nuzzling up against his chest. His skin was warm and his heart was beating steadily.
“Believe me, that’s the past and even though the present is grim, I have to admit it seems a little brighter with you in my life. So don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”
“I’m not worried about it.” Xander kissed the top of my head. “I’m not worried at all. I got this.”
“Oh yea? Well I recall you saying that earlier today and I had to take out a zombie.” I laughed. He kissed me passionately laying me back on the bed. “You know,” he began looking down into my eyes, caressing my cheek. “I never even told Paul about Lily. I want us to be open and honest with each other.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him sweetly, feeling like I was floating and didn’t have a care in the world. I wanted him. I knew that. I liked the danger. “We should really get some sleep. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be chaotic. Four more people to worry about.”
“Yea but not tonight.” We crawled under the blanket and he cuddled behind me, spooning me. I snuggled with our clenched hands, hugging his arm and smiled because I never felt as safe as I did in his arms.